My overpriced credit card annual fee includes a few perks like StubHub credits. Nicole had expressed interest in watching Cruz Beckham and his band perform in Hollywood and through the use of my perks, this became a free concert. Cruz Beckham, as one might have guessed, is one of the nepo children of David Beckham and Victoria aka Posh Spice. With that being said, he seems to at least acknowledge his privilege in life with a self-awareness and cheekiness that is often lacking in most nepo babies. This of course being said in light of his elder brother, Brooklyn, and his infamous move to go no contact with the rest of his family — citing the “performative” nature of his family and his desire to be his own man. This anti-performative stance is naturally captured diligently by his own performances er activities on TikTok or instagram.
Cruz Beckham and the Breakers, as they are apparently known, have a sort of 1960s Mersey sound mixed with some 90s Britpop, which is like a fun mixture of the Beatles and Oasis. With this very British night ahead of us, we decided to have dinner at the Cat & the Fiddle, a classic Hollywood pub, which has evidently moved locations and is under different ownership. I recall their past menu being fairly limited and not particularly British, but that appears to have changed. We got a steak and Guinness pie, a sausage roll, a scotch egg, a couple of pints, and a sticky toffee pudding.
The concert itself was just down the road at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery — well more specifically the Masonic Lodge inside the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Neither of us was sure what kind of activities or perhaps rituals would otherwise take place at such a venue, but it was unique to say the least. It was decorated like a castle that was cursed. The actual concert hall if we can call it that appeared to be created for human sacrifice with benches lining the sides of the hall and a large open space in between where we concert goers would stand.
The lads didn’t make us wait too long and began their set. If you can believe it, I didn’t know any of their songs, but Mr. Beckham (and the Breakers) did appear to have talent. This was tested a bit by the environment of the venue which was extraordinarily hot. It had to have been over 90º and they started sweating profusely. Those Freemasons didn’t put in good aircon for their sacrificial ceremonies. It is perhaps worth mentioning as well that Cruz’s older brother Brooklyn has gone through numerous career transitions that would not have otherwise been available to him had he not been a Beckham — namely footballer, model, race car driver, chef, and my personal favorite — photographer to name a few. He released a coffee table book years ago with a photo of an elephant he had taken during safari which was so badly underexposed that it became an internet meme — a sort of masterclass in privilege and how small talent people with big names can leapfrog thousands of talented artists with no selfawareness.
Meanwhile, back at the Hollywood sauna…the Breakers were starting to break. Incrementally, suit jackets and ties were removed until ultimately Cruz apologetically removed his shirt stating, “It’s too f*#in’ hot.” We had evidently seen young Cruz many years ago while accompanying his dad on the football pitch during an LA Galaxy game. Interestingly enough, his dad removed his shirt that day as well despite the chilly and rainy evening in SoCal. Some suspected this was part of his contract.
Cruz Beckham (and the Breakers as well) continued their set list for the appropriate amount of time. Any longer, and the crowd would have started to drop from heat exhaustion. Cruz did at one point make light of the odd venue and remarked, “At this point we’d normally have an encore, but there’s no place to f*ck off to here, so pretend we’ve gone away, cheer a bit, and we’ll pretend we’ve come back to play another song!”
It was an eclectic group of people in the crowd. You couldn’t have walked into the room and been able to guess what type of performance you were about to see. Are we about to see a 1980s tribute band or are we at a comic book convention? Nobody knows, but we’re all apparently here for Cruz Beckham (and the Breakers). There was a bloke in the front row wearing a David Beckham Manchester United jersey and another fellow wearing a Spice Girls t-shirt, so I imagine most people were there for some fandom of the Beckham family as a whole.
Ages varied wildly. Then after the show, people drifted into some sort of weird living room thing with a fireplace before Nicole and I ducked out to explore the cemetery. Evidently Cruz and the now broken Breakers were going to do a sort of meet-and-greet, but I’m not sure what we would have said to the lads. We found the cemetery very peaceful at night — wandering toward the more ostentatious and expensive plots in an area known as the garden of legends.
There were reflecting pools and water features, pyramids, the whole bit. It might be nice to check it out during the day as well, but it’s always fun to visit a cemetery at night. After being in a hot sweaty room with hundreds of people for the last hour or so, Nicole was eager to be out in an open area where she claimed no one could bump into her anymore. But you never know…
After making a loop around the cemetery, we returned to our car to head home. All in all, a successful night out. Cruz is a talented fellow who seems oddly grounded in spite of his background. In an interview when asked about where he’d most like to take a holiday, he said Oxfordshire — a part of England adjacent to the Cotswalds. He doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously in any case, and I wish him (and the Breakers) success.
passports & pepto bismol 