We had a tray of breakfast delivered to our room around 830. We were told ahead of time that it was a “standard” breakfast. We didn’t know what that really meant. Everywhere seems to serve a lot of horse meat, so we presume nothing. It ended up being a fairly standard breakfast indeed: toast, croissant, some fruit, scrambled eggs, and a yogurt. Fueled with breakfast and later with petrol for the car, we drove up into the mountains to see a bit of nature and Big Almaty Lake.
Of course, the first 30 minutes or more were a bit tedious just trying to get out of the city’s clutches. Traffic here is really bad. I don’t think it’s because of the volume of cars, but rather an inefficient road network, a lack of turn lanes, and people abruptly “parking.” Ultimately, everyone ends up clogged in a small area. Eventually we ended up on a road that left the city and climbed above 8000ft in elevation. We reached a checkpoint to enter a park with no logical way to pay for it. Cash? No. Credit card? No. Human person? Not really. Just a QR code that didn’t work. Like many of the above reasons for traffic getting clogged, add “Requiring scanning of QR code to download a 130mb app, then adding a credit card while blocking the cars behind you” to the list. Don’t worry, though. Things would get more nonsensical!
In recent times, cars are no longer allowed all the way up to Big Almaty Lake. I guess this is a way of regulating traffic, but there were many unintended predictable consequences of this action. Now cars are required to park about 7km down the mountain (or farther depending on crowds). One can walk the rest of the way (the majority were), but it’s all uphill and a 12% grade. And it’s not exactly a scenic hike, you would just be walking on a concrete road. At this location, there are also multiple park rangers or guys in camo fatigues blocking access by other means. One of them asked if we needed help and Nicole asked if he spoke English. With a fairly confident, “Yes,” he then proceeded to say a randomized collection of technically English words like, “Someone come for you, 200 meters. (Long pause) 15 minutes. Ok. Going. Lake. Going. You going. 20 minutes (Long pause). 200 meters.”
Another guy in fatigues motioned to us to come and told us in Russian that he could drive us. When I told him we needed a ride up to the lake and back, he told us it would be 50000 Kazakh tenge (over $100). Our hesitation led him to drop it to 40000, but we weren’t keen on it all. There was some confusion as to how we would actually get back with this scheme. Was he waiting? For $100, that didn’t sound like a great deal, and clearly these guys in camo are just looking to make a buck…or 100. The other option was to rent an electric motorbike or ATV. Now you understand the pics.
The guy renting the bikes and ATVs knew basically no English, so I was trying to get information on price, logistics, or how it all worked in my rusty Russian. Also as an aside: why is nobody curious or remotely impressed that I know any Russian at all? I don’t need a May Day parade, but I feel like it’s not a super common language for an American to know. Anyway…I’ve never driven an ATV before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. Luckily he explained everything very rapidly in Russian, so what could go wrong? Nicole held on the back as we followed the guy up the mountain roads along with two other Russian speaking tourists on electric motorbikes. It took us about 20 minutes or so to reach Big Almaty Lake. The “guide” then explained to us that we would stay at that spot for about 30 minutes (as I understood). The other Russian speakers knew some English and each of them thought the guide said something different. So, we’d be there either 30, 60, or 90 minutes depending on which one of us you asked. They shrugged their shoulders with a laugh and just warned us not to walk too far because the other side of the lake is Kyrgyzstan and is patrolled by armed guards who could be trigger happy. (We were actually told to bring our passports just in case)
We began walking down the hill toward the lake which is a vibrant blue. It is indeed BIG Almaty lake, though I’m not sure if there is a little Almaty lake. I couldn’t fit the whole lake in my camera frame unless I used my fisheye lens. In the end, we ended up walking around for about an hour. It gave me time to set up a few timelapse shots, some longer exposure things, and even some self-timer pictures of Bricole, everyone’s favorite celebrity couple. Walking up the hills around the lake was a bit fatiguing on account of the elevation, but also the fact that we were both digging in with our legs whilst driving the ATV.
We reconnected with the two Russian-speakers from earlier, and I was strangely relieved to find that they were just as confused about the whole situation with the guide. Initially they thought we were supposed to wait for him to show back up to escort us down, but none of us were sure when. We all agreed to just head back down together without the guide.
A few notes about ATV riding/driving. It’s not especially comfortable. Maybe some have power steering, but ours did not. My left shoulder and arms were quite sore by the time we reached the bottom from straining to make the switchbacks. The acceleration is not smooth, which may be an issue more prevalent on electric models and braking is quite poor. Other than that, I guess it’s ok, but I don’t think either of us are going to be in the market for one anytime soon. We’d have to change our whole identities and get into UFC, listening to Joe Rogan, and going to Morgan Wallen concerts. That’s all in direct conflict with my sauna personality and I can only make space for one.
It was after 3pm by the time we got back to our cabin and we ate some snacks we picked up at the supermarket yesterday. Yes, those are burger-flavored chips or crisps. My fingers still smell like burger. I thought the essence of a burger was captured disturbingly well. I could see how they could be polarizing. All natural flavors, obviously. After a somewhat tiring day out, we decided to order delivery via Yandex. We got some pizzas and pasta along with fries and garlic bread. It seemed like it would be easy, and we were excited to relax with a bottle of Georgian wine I had purchased the day before.
But like all things here, there’s quite a bit of confusion. I wrote a note to the Yandex courier in Russian that there was a security gate, but I would meet him near the end of the road. As he approached, he sent a message for me to send him an exact geo-location or screenshot of me on a map. The problem was that as I left our cabin, I lost service, and his service wasn’t great either. I eventually intercepted him and waved him down. What happened next is unclear. I must have answered one of his questions incorrectly because he wouldn’t just give me the food and he spoke zero English. I thought he had to confirm that he’d delivered it somehow, but needed cell service to do so. I said if it wasn’t an issue we could walk closer to the cabin for Wi-Fi, which we did. Eventually we both got service, and it was then that he realized for the first time that I was the customer. What?! Did he think I was just hanging out with him for companionship? Once he realized what happened, he apologized profusely. As I feel like our language issues caused all this fuss, I tipped generously as I was probably somehow to blame as well.
Mostly due to traffic (and also our protracted exchange in Russian), the food was slightly above room temperature when it arrived. Luckily, we have a private sauna and attempted to give it a bit of heat. It was an okay meal when all was said and done. I ended up drinking most of the wine. I was with the Yandex courier for probably over ten minutes. Between that and all the other conversations in Russian today, I was feeling strung out. Coming here without knowing any Russian would definitely pose a challenge. I guess Kazakhstan isn’t a hotbed of tourism though either. People only know it because of Borat, a movie that wasn’t even filmed here.
Tomorrow we will be flying to Mongolia. They use a Cyrillic alphabet, which I can read, but they speak Mongolian which is a language I will be completely useless in interpreting. In some ways, that’s a relief. I admittedly felt a lot of pressure to do the negotiations here simply because the intelligence agency “university” taught me a bit of Russian back when I lived in D.C. I had to buy the flights to Mongolia, thusly getting confirmed seats. And yet, one Mr. Poopers aka “Greg,” wouldn’t just drop everything, take a 4 hour flight to California, then an 11 hour flight to Japan, and then another 5 hour flight to Mongolia just to hang out with us for a day. What gives? Well, he’s about to find out what he missed out on! And it might be more horse meat.
passports & pepto bismol 