It was supposed to be a completely overcast day per the forecast. It was, however, sunny as we headed out for breakfast. Nicole picked out a place in Montecito called Bree’osh. They had various pastries and treats. We each had a tea. I also had a scone which I found to be a bit dense and dry…unable to compete with the National Trust’s award winning fruit scones which I have been known to bake in recent times. (See below)
Anyway, Montecito, Summerland, and even Santa Barbara have a unique feel to them that is very different than L.A. For example, as we enjoyed our pastries outside, we noticed a distinct fashion style that seemed more at home in Nantucket than on California’s central coast. But as I came to learn throughout the day, these kinds of bougie, Landrover-driving, gluten-free, fake blonde hair wasps were far more the rule than the exception.
After breakfast, we went to downtown Santa Barbara just to see what’s what. We parked near the courthouse which is deemed the most beautiful courthouse in the United States. Multiple wedding shoots were occurring as we walked by. Furthermore, the reason we saw the actor, Jacob Elordi, at the bookstore yesterday is because he was being honored at the Santa Barbara film festival that evening. Unbeknownst to us, but apparently knownst to thousands — the Santa Barbara film festival seems to be kind of a big deal. Tonight they are honoring such well-known Hollywood types as Leonardo DiCaprio as you see on the marquis.
They close down the streets, so I fear it could be quite a spectacle. Nicole saw photos of the red carpet from last night and it was a bunch of teenage girls screaming upon Mr. Elordi’s arrival. Nicole wondered at first if such youths would even care about the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, now 51, whose dashing looks peaked some time around 1998 and have been in decline ever since. As Nicole astutely pointed out, however, this wouldn’t stop DiCaprio from being into the girls. So perhaps we shall make a stop back downtown later on and see if a fuss is being made.
While we were in the neighborhood, we went to see the Santa Barbara mission, which is the second California mission we’ve seen in the last six months — the first being in San Juan Capistrano. I would say this one is not as sprawling as San Juan Capistrano, but still had some interesting bits including multiple shout outs to the Chumash people, who were the indigenous habitants on the central coast who were all but wiped out by the Spanish colonists.
The mission’s attached museum didn’t shy away from acknowledging that the Spanish missions ostensibly wiped out an entire culture and people’s way of life through disease, forced relocation, and introduction of nonnative species. While not really the point, but on a more positive note, Spain’s colonization of California really did leave a remarkable architectural influence on the area like the aforementioned courthouse as you see above. The Santa Barbara area must be one of the most photogenic in California.
For lunch, I took Nicole to Field and Fort, a surprisingly popular establishment in Summerland. The line to order was out the door and we just ordered some more baked goods in order to be served faster. Mine were both a bit dry, but . . .fine. We were informed that they were sold out of gluten-free bread, which wasn’t a huge problem for us. Nonetheless, I had to settle for a vegan peanut butter bar which tasted…vegan. The Field and Fort had an attached market store where they sold pretentious things like caviar tins and homemade granola, but for rather shocking prices. We later stopped into a place called Farm to Paper which sold produce and stationary. I honestly didn’t really understand. How is there a market for all this? Anyway, I haven’t seen such unhinged white people since I went to the Billy Joel concert years ago.
For dinner, we had a reservation at Tre Lune in Montecito. We had to eat at 5pm because that’s all we could get. Everything happened very fast. Our cacio e pepe and penne alla norma were in front of us within five minutes of sitting down. My cacio e pepe seemed to be missing a lot of pepe, but had an excess of what seemed to be alfredo sauce. Nicole’s penne tasted like something out of a box and was very lacking in its key ingredient of eggplant. Crap, we’ve become those people I’ve just ranted about in the previous paragraphs. All I’m saying is, for all its pretension, the pasta wasn’t anything special. We were also rushed out of the restaurant. I’ve spent much more time in a Culver’s than in Tre Lune. I think we were out the door within 45 minutes from entering and it would have been less except Nicole feigned interest in the dessert menu. This never would have happened in Italy. We would have hung out for at least three hours and then started smoking cigarettes.
Then we returned to downtown Santa Barbara near the Arlington Theater to see some A-list types arrive for their honors. After standing around awkwardly for some time, Benicio del Toro arrived to tepid response followed by Leonardo DiCaprio who caused the crowd to become deranged. There was screaming, there was yelling, people were running. The woman next to me yelled to some guy, “Take my picture when he talks to me!!!!” I was thinking — lady, we are 100m away and you are about 60 years too old for him to take interest. Unrealistic expectations seemed to be the theme of the night. A girl near Nicole brought her pet iguana named Leonardo whom she wanted to introduce to Mr. DiCaprio. Eventually Sean Penn also arrived to a now indifferent audience and Mr. Penn seemed indifferent to the crowd just the same. Nicole and I managed to find each other in the crowd and returned to the hotel to relax for the rest of the evening.
passports & pepto bismol 